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Chapter 12 (Part 2)
Someone was patting my head lightly and softly. I tried to open my eyes when I felt it, but my eyelids wouldn’t open.
As I dozed off under the gentle caress, lips brushed against my chin. He kissed me lightly on my eyelids, cheeks and lips.
I stirred but I couldn’t make many movements. His chest was right up against mine, and our legs were all entangled. His arms were wrapped around my waist, hugging me tight and I could feel the blanket brush against my skin. It was warm.
Gradually, the sounds of the rain pouring reached my ears. It seemed that the downpour was still going strong. It didn’t seem like we could go anywhere today.
At long last, my eyes opened. At that moment my eyes met with Luca, and he smiled. “Good morning, Zagan. You sure slept well.”
“Mhm… good morning.”
I replied, and he kissed me on the lips again. It was very early in the morning, but since we were in a tent away from prying eyes, I silently accepted it. His kisses were fleeting. He stroked my back and pulled me closer to him, and our crotches touched. And then I suddenly realised.
“…Luca. You didn’t do anything to me last night, did you? Then why are you sleeping naked too?”
“Of course it’s because I want to feel Zagan up close. It would be a shame to wear pajamas when you’re here.”
He nonchalantly patted my butt and squeezed it lightly. He probed a finger between them, aimed for that tight place. He lightly prodded its surface. Since I wasn’t a woman, there was no choice but to use that place that will not get wet.
Ah, yes, I’m not a woman. I had totally forgotten this after subjugating the chimera, but I couldn’t just silently accept it.
“It’s morning now. And we did just the other day, didn’t we? If you’re pent up, get a woman to let it out.”
“…Zagan? Why are you being so mean to me? Do you hate sleeping with me because I’m weak? Or are you just exacting your revenge on me because I made you feel lonely? ”
Luca, who stared at me intently, was extremely cool and handsome. He was also very masculine, with well-developed muscles. For even me to think so, he must be seen as perfect by the women. I hadn’t thought about it before, but I’m sure he’s always been popular. I wonder how many noblewomen had courted him.
“…You must have been constantly surrounded by good women. In that case, normally, shouldn’t you have had your way with some of them? There’s no need to take the trouble to sleep with a man.”
“Huh? What are you saying? But I like you, Zagan? Still, why are you suggesting me girls? And good women, you say… did one of them perhaps catch your fancy? Who? Tell me, who is it?”
“That’s impossible! ” I unknowingly glared and yelled at Luca, who scrunched up his eyebrows in displeasure. Seeing his thoughts take an absurd turn, I slammed my fists into his chest.
“I don’t even know what love feels like…!”
The moment I said that, my chest hurt and I felt like crying. Ahh, right, I don’t know what it is like. Perhaps I had one in my previous life, but I can’t remember that feeling anymore. Because I had always been alone in this world.
“I have always been alone. I was fine being alone. I have lived my life without depending on anyone. Not once have I had someone else in my mind. Yet ever since you…you came, I-”
Yesterday night, all I could think of was going back to your side. And upon seeing the light, seeing you waiting for me, I was strangely relieved. I was happy that you hugged my wet body without hesitation and that you were worried about me. I never knew I could feel like this. …Because I had always lived my life alone.
Before I knew it, Luca had grown to become a significant existence in my heart. He had become important to me. However.
“…I don’t understand. What is love? If I say it’s someone you think of as precious, even my parents and my sister are precious to me. You too, are the same. I think you’re precious to me. But this could also be a deep friendship. What in the world would lead to love? You and I are both men, so which of my feelings towards you would lead to love? I don’t understand.”
A sharp pain stabbed my heart. I felt like tears would fall from my eyes. If only it were the case.
Endure. Endure, and force out a voice.
“That’s why I…… can’t answer your confession.”
No matter how much I think about it, I can’t come up with an answer because I don’t know how I feel. If this went on, he would be waiting forever for an answer. I’d rather have him with a woman who can accept him more easily, rather than having to lead myself and Luca around like this.
If I wait long enough, a day will come when Luca will no longer want to see me.
It’s alright. Right now, the wound is still shallow.
“—Gee, you’re too cute.”
Ha? A strange voice escaped.
Huh…huh? Why did he say such sappy lines at such a time? And why was he looking at me with so much love? I just dumped Luca.
When I looked up at Luca in surprise, he gently stroked my cheek. His palm felt warm.
“Zagan, there’s no need to panic. It’s fine to accept me at your own pace, little by little. It’s natural that it’s difficult for you to suddenly fall in love with someone… when you’ve been alone for so long.” Luca spoke relaxedly. His voice seemed like a gentle embrace.
Perhaps I looked like I needed it. He smiled softly and then kissed me. Just like always, it was fleeting. That was why it pierced my heart. It was as if he were telling me, who said that I couldn’t answer his confession, that he would still kiss me, just like usual.
When our lips parted, he hugged me and rubbed his cheek against my head. It was just the same as always.
“You were troubled by my confession, weren’t you? I’m sorry. But I’m glad you did your best and thought about it carefully. Thank you, Zagan.”
I was trapped in his arms, my cheeks pressed against Luca’s chest. I could hear his steady heartbeat. It was Luca who had taught me that the sound of another person’s heart could be this soothing. It was he who taught me that the touch of bare skin could feel so comfortable.
“You don’t need to hurry. We can still be friends. I’ll also do my best. I’ll take good care of Zagan and tell you that I love you more and more, so that you won’t be taken by someone else. I’ll love you lots… and then slowly teach you to love. It’s alright, I can wait till Zagan grows to love me.”
Ahh, my nose stings. My throat felt constricted. My shoulders were trembling.
My tears… rolled down.
Hasr: Next chappie gonna be smut *wink* *wink*
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