Fake Saint of the Year
Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!
After Story: Supple’s Death (First Part)
Hooray for the NEET life!
And here I was as the full-blown no-good person, the former Fake Saint.
The reason I said former was because I had retired from the position of the Saint and let Alfrea succeed, so I was no longer even a Fake Saint.
Society still recognized me as a Saint even now, and the church granted me the title of the Great Saint, but honestly, I wasn’t very happy about that.
Also sometimes, knights and leaders of the church would visit and cry to me as they say “Please take the Saint’s title back,” but I gave them a big NO, insisting that a fake shouldn’t stay as a Saint.
To begin with, Alfrea was still the First Saint. What were you people dissatisfied with?
Her chest was also huge. Also, her chest was huge1.
I, who had stepped down from position as the Saint after the battle against the “Witch,” built a log house in the forest as I planned before and lived there together with Leila.
Leila took good care of me despite of the fact that I quit being a Saint. Hurray for a well-fed future.
This was the forest where Propheter originally lived, but even if I didn’t do anything, the Guardians would deliver fruits and so on to me, so I could spend my whole life just lazing around.
But if I stayed as a NEET for too long, I might end up getting kicked out the house while being told “Go Work,” so it wasn’t like I didn’t do anything at all.
Using the ability of the Prophet that I inherited from Propheter allowed me to know things that happened from afar. I would go there if I saw that things could get dangerous without my intervention.
There was a plague that broke out on the potatoes last time. Since famine was about to break out, I went ahead and cured everything with magic. There was also a time where a ship was about to get swallowed by a whirlpool, so I pulled all the crew out of it using flying magic.
There was some kind of plague that broke out in some nation that made their skins turn purplish black, so I went and cured everything… Also, there was a town where the source of the water used for their daily necessities got contaminated, and it mass-produced sick people, so I went ahead and purified the whole town.
Ah, but none of those contributed to my life here. Leila did all the hunting, and I got all the fruits from the Guardians. That’s all I did.
Well, that wasn’t important anyway.
What was good about the NEET life was the fact I could just laze around and take a nap when everyone else had to sweat hard to guarantee their living.
Other people had to do jobs they didn’t even want to do, were forced to bow their heads, and had to work desperately and full of pain like a working ant, just to ensure their living.
While they were doing that, I could just laze around.
I imagined the laborious hours that others spent in their respective hell called work, while I could just sleep without being affected by any of that; it made me feel a great sense of superiority.
A certain gambling manga said, “I feel pleasure in being in a safe position alone.” Perhaps what I felt was something close to that feeling.
That was why I was going to take a nap today as well.
People said that too much napping was bad for one’s body, but like I cared about that.
Things that were bad for one’s body tended to be delicious and comfortable.
Taking a nap, going back to sleep after just waking up, eating junk food. Aah, what a sweet temptation to depraved humans.
Humans were creatures who were attracted to bad things.
Ah, by the way, I did this and that so my body maintained its ideal state (also including magic to cheat the process) and so I wouldn’t get fat2.
I hated putting effort into something, but I hated Pizzarise even more. I definitely didn’t want to turn into that.
In the first place, I was a lump of desire for approval, you know? It was an obvious thing to be showered with admiration for maintaining my praiseworthy figure…
Aah ~ the gaze of jealousy and envy sure felt good ~
Also, my lifespan extended to about a hundred years thanks to the turtle, and if I felt like it, I could magically cure most problems myself, so there was no problem even if I did lead an unhealthy life to some extent.
That was why I decided to sleep. I would sleep. Sleep again today.
I magically lifted the special body pillow I just completed today, which I left in the corner of the room, and went upstairs.
The reason it was placed there was simply because I made it on the first floor.
Ahn? It sounded disgusting to use a body pillow while being mentally a man? The use of a body pillow was only tolerable up to elementary school age?
Okay, that was plain prejudice. A body pillow was bedding that had many merits, such as reducing risk of back pain, stiff shoulders, knee pains, while also giving a relaxing effect.
The sleeping posture of holding the body pillow sideways with one leg was called “Sims’ position,” and it was said to be the ideal sleeping posture to rest the autonomic nerves. It was the correct sleeping posture that was recommended by many doctors.
In the first place, in addition to the fact that many beautiful girls used body pillows, even men also used body pillows.
Rather, it was more likely for a man to use one.
The illustration used for promoting the body pillow was often either a beautiful girl or pretty woman, but in reality, you would see a fat old man using it on an unwashed futon in a rarely cleaned room.
Even in my past life, I also used the R-18 version of my favorite heroine for my body pillow… no, let us put that aside.
Well anyway, what I meant to say was it wasn’t strange to use a body pillow.
And so I quickly went to bed and pulled the body pillow close.
…Uhn? It somehow felt stiff? It felt kind of different from what I expected…?
There was a strange, foreign sensation… wasn’t this weird? No, it was definitely weird.
I tried to change the position and ride on top of it to check, but there was clearly something other than cotton inside.
What was this… this sensation wasn’t that of a body pillow. Rather, this felt more like a human.
Was there a person inside…? Did Leila become Stocco and sneak inside?
I couldn’t sleep peacefully like this. I guess I would open it for a bit and check what was inside.
Supple Ment was an enthusiastic fanatic of the Great Saint Elrise.
To him, Elrise’s existence was prioritized over everything else, and he seriously believed that Elrise alone was far more precious than the rest of the world combined.
Rather, was there any worth to a world that existed without Elrise? He was so crazy he would seriously say such a thing.
Aah, what a wonderful and supreme Saint. He felt the utmost happiness for living in the same era and breathing the same air as she did.
However, despite being such a pervert, he unexpectedly never did anything that crossed the line.
Some people might say that his stalking actions and perversion already crossed said line, but despite his perversion, he never directly touched Elrise’s skin or hair.
Even when he collected her footprints and her used tableware, he touched them with gloves on. Even those things he had collected were merely used as objects of worship, without ever directly touching them.
Yes, he had forbidden himself from direct contact with Elrise.
While it was also due to the fact that he didn’t want to taint her by having her touch his lowly self, it was also because Supple was aware that he wouldn’t be able to stand the stimulus it would produce.
He bought the same towel she bought at the store. It wasn’t like Elrise ever touched said towel… it was just a similar towel to what she used. The fact that he could still feel so ecstatic from smelling said towel, it made him very aware, more than anyone else, about what would happen if he were to touch Elrise directly.
— First of all, he wouldn’t be able to stand the stimulus. His happiness would go over its limit, and he would die in the peak of ecstasy.
While it was the kind of death he sought, he still couldn’t afford to die just yet.
If he were to die, then he wished to die after he went beyond the limit of his lifespan and used most of his life to witness most of her life and then meet his death. That was why it wasn’t time for him to die just yet.
If one were to ignore how perverted Supple was, he was a very capable man.
Ever since Elrise left the Saint’s Castle, he became an important conduit to the outside world, where he would often visit Elrise to inform her of the situation outside the forest and deliver messages from King Aiz.
Rather, it was more correct to say that he took it upon himself to do this duty.
If that was the case, it would be better if he were to live together with her like Leila did, but Supple wouldn’t be able to endure his excitement if he were to live under the same roof as Elrise.
One might wonder why he was okay when they were both at the academy, but the academy was big enough for it to not affect him.
But while the log house where Elrise lived in now was big enough for her to live together with Leila, it was an incomparably smaller space compared to the academy,
If he were to stay within that space all the time with Elrise in arm’s reach, Supple would get over-excited and die.
Even though he wished to stay beside Elrise more than anyone, his feelings were too strong and that made it impossible. That was the man called Supple Ment.
On this day, Supple visited the log house with a letter from King Aiz, and a piece of paper, which contained a summary of what has been happening around the world for the past few weeks.
This forest, where the Guardians lived, had become rich in fruits ever since Elrise began to live in it, and the Guardians were all benefiting from that.
It was probably Elrise’s healing magic that made the plants grow healthier, since it also purified the water and land within the forest.
He walked through a fantastic scenery where sunlight would peek through the canopies, and he entered the log house where Elrise lived.
But it seemed he came at a bad time; nobody was in the house.
Since the door wasn’t locked, they probably didn’t go too far.
Perhaps Elrise was growing some sort of vegetable in her back garden. As for Leila, perhaps she went hunting?
Well if that was the case, then he could just wait.
Supple looked around the log house and admired its modesty.
Considering how Elrise was now known as the Great Saint, she could have lived in a luxurious mansion, instead of this small log house.
If she felt like it, she could just say the word and the whole world would move for her; the balance could change at her whim.
Elrise’s words possessed that much influence and power.
There were countless people around the world who would gladly die for her if she asked them to, including Supple himself.
However, she hated manipulating the world and chose to withdraw from world politics and live quietly here.
She truly had no greed, he thought.
Or maybe, this humble life was something she sought, not as the Great Saint, but as a normal girl named Elrise.
As he looked around with that in mind, Supple found a strange object propped up in the corner of the room.
Oh, Hameln, I have returned! (Greetings)
It’s been a long time, everyone.
This time, I had something to announce to everyone, so I returned here.
To be exact, the announcement will be tomorrow, so today’s announcement was about how there will be another announcement later.
Anyway, there will be an announcement tomorrow, so the latter part of the story will also be uploaded tomorrow.
And tomorrow, the title of this work and the name of the author will be changed.
Novel Title: “An Ideal Saint? Too bad, I’m a Fake Saint!”
Author Name: Grand Duke of the Wall.
They will be changed into that with () which contains the former title of both. I actually already changed the author name on my Kakuyomu account earlier, but I’ll use this chance to unify them all.
As for the title… Uhm…
Regarding the impression of the title … most of them said that … “You avoided XXX in the title” …
…Pl, please look forward to tomorrow!
Apologies for the delay in posting for this week’s Fake Saint chapters. Some irl stuff got in the way and the editors did their best to finish editing by today. However, we hope the readers won’t mind too much as this week’s update consists of 7 CHAPTERS! Yup, 7. Thanks to MONKE for sponsoring the extra chapters!
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And Elrise, you have literally become the guardian deity of this world. You are no longer a saint, you are the goddess now.
Elrise should just use Leila as a body pillow. I am sure Leila wouldnt mind.
And am i the only one who likes the name “Fake Saint of the Year” more?
OHHH! Supple! You made a mistake! The greatest woman of your admiration just wrapped her legs around you and mounted you! You can’t get more intimate than that without actually doing the deed! This marks your grave!
Thank you for the series author-sama and translator-sama.
This guy died as a body pillow huh….
RIP Supple at least you died happy! You were a truly great man.
And the world lost another pervert…
a rather conscious pervert. if only society has his tendencies. not the stalking or collecting ones but the term gaze from afar at the untainted flower
The flag stood…
Oh no I don’t like (Supple like but at what cost) where this is going… LOL
Well, enjoy his last moment…
LMAO LMAO. On this day/chapter, Supple has just experienced the greater joy of his life. After all, he was hugged by Elrise while in the same bed, and she even went on to put her leg over him and then ride/mount him at the end.
If this story was more R rated, the body pillow would have stains on it by now. Nonetheless, he would probably die as the happiest and luckiest(lol) man in the world.
it will have stain… just not the stain you expect…
Suppleeeee you death
just read the blatant spoilery title
Thank for the chapter ^^
I unexpectedly got hit by so many stray bullets in this chapter T_T
what stray bullets?
“There is nothing wrong with owning a body pillow” and then the description of who… usually… owns a body pillow.
I own a body pillow and got grazed by some shrapnel too…
oh well, I don’t own an R18 covering or am fat but I do need to clean my room more often hahaha
i don’t have non normal pillow so i didn’t understand what you meant, but I’m sorry if it offend you
I don’t own a body pillow, but I am fat and need to clean my room.
SUPPLEEEEEEEEE WHAT DID U DOOOOOO OMG
its just scientific curiosity, he said
It’s all for science.