The Melancholy of the Demon Army Officer
Translator: Tsukii
Editor: Shizukuku
Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!
Chapter 101 – Ssulal’s Choice [A]
Leonhart was pulled by Ssulal and taken straight to her private room.
They didn’t talk much on their way there. Occasionally, Ssulal lightly glanced back at him,
“Geez, Leonhart? You definitely haven’t eaten properly recently. No matter how busy you are, you should eat properly.”
“…A-aah. You’re right.”
Leonhart nodded at her casual chatter. Such were the things they talked about along the way.
Ssulal also reminded him that it was bad to not sleep and about how bad Leonhart was for being too fixated on things. Anyway, Ssulal was reminding Leonhart about a lot of things, and Leonhart nodded to them all.
In the first place, Leonhart felt strange about Ssulal’s attitude to the point it felt somewhat eerie. It was her usual attitude, which was oddly normal for the situation she was in, as if the things that happened had nothing to do with her.
…Why…?
Ssulal didn’t get angry, sad, or disappointed. All the things she said were merely light reminders. Moreover, none of it related to her situation.
Or maybe she would only talk about it once they entered her room? No, there was no doubt that was how it was. There was no way she could talk about it in the corridor in the unlikely chance somebody overheard it.
However,
“Well then, let’s go in. It’s quite messy… b-but, you shouldn’t mind it, okay? There are many things that it would be bad for others to see…”
As Ssulal said that, she pulled Leonhart by hand to the edge of the bed and made him sit there. Ssulal then sat beside him. The room was messy inside just like she said earlier. Most of it was piles of books that had been taken out of the bookshelves. The lights were barely lit inside. Ssulal only illuminated around where they were and looked up to Leonhart.
“So, why did you end up fighting Meglass?”
“…That’s…”
In response of Leonhart who couldn’t answer, Ssulal smiled as if she couldn’t help it,
“Well, I’m sure it’s your usual fighting junkie attitude flaring up. You should suppress it a little, okay?”
“…”
Once again, she only gave him a light reminder. The things she did were what she would do normally.
Why—
“Hey, Leonhart? Are you listening? I personally liked your appearance when you fight, but you have to think about your surroundings—”
“—Why?”
“…Eh?”
Before he knew it, Leonhart uttered his words.
It was as if he was trying to scream out the doubt within his heart. That was,
“Why aren’t you blaming me?!”
“…Blame you?”
Ssulal tilted her head in confusion. Leonhart asked further in response of Ssulal’s words,
“Why aren’t you asking me anything?! You should have tons of things you want to ask me! Yet why do you act as you usually would instead?!”
There should definitely be something that she could be angry or sad about. After all,
“I’ve guessed correctly that you would end up like this! Then shouldn’t there be things you want to ask?! There should be things you want to blame me for, get angry at me for, and be sad about, right?! How can you act the same way toward me as you usually do?! Why—”
His words stopped there for a moment. His mind and heart prevented his mouth from saying it.
But he ignored that and said it regardless. That was,
“Why… don’t you hate me for it…?”
“—”
“It wouldn’t be weird, even if you hate me for it…!”
He said it again.
He was aware how great his failure was. As he thought of that, Leonhart’s voice became rough. Then with a quivering voice,
“I—”
“…Leonhart.”
“…?!”
His voice suddenly stopped. It was because of actions that Ssulal took.
Just as he was about to continue his words, Ssulal called his name and said,
“—I like you, I really do. I love you, Leonhart. I love you.”
“Ssula— you, what are you—”
She jumped toward him and kissed him many times.
…What the…?!
Her sudden actions greatly confused him.
Ssulal kept kissing him while saying she loved him. And it continued for a while.
Despite still being confused, Leonhart eventually had to accept it. Even if he tried to stop her, Ssulal wouldn’t stop. He also couldn’t roughly push her away. In the first place, she was stronger than he was.
Therefore, he chose to accept it in silence. His body gradually became hot and as both of their eyes became fiery and vacant,
“—Hm…”
“Hah…!”
At last, Ssulal let go of his mouth.
Both of them were calming themselves while adjusting their breathing.
Meanwhile, Ssulal looked at Leonhart while still straddling him,
“…How is it? Do you understand?”
“…What is it…?”
When Leonhart asked in confusion, Ssulal gave her answer while exhaling lightly.
“About how much I love you, Leonhart.”
“…But I—”
“…You already knew about it, didn’t you?”
“—”
Leonhart swallowed his breath at Ssulal’s following words. Yet Ssulal was still smiling,
“But you forgot about it all this time, only to recall it when I mentioned it—right?”
“…That’s right.”
Leonhart could do nothing but nod at Ssulal’s accurate guess. And with that as the trigger, he began to speak.
As if confessing of his sin,
“I already knew it…! Yet I couldn’t recall it. Even when it had already occurred right now, I still couldn’t recall it completely. I tried to, but my mind denied me…! What I really am…?!”
“…Isn’t that an easy question?”
Even as Leonhart vomited out his heartfelt words, Ssulal answered with a smile.
Then while stroking his cheek with her little hand,
“Leonhart is Leonhart. You are a human born in this world, you have very strong magic, you love swords and combat, you’re a serious person at work and can be severe at times, but you are also kind and cool person—”
Also,
“My most important person in the world — and my most beloved person. That’s what you are.”
“—”
Ssulal looked at him dearly as she expressed her feelings with words.
However, when Leonhart tried to respond but couldn’t, Ssulal looked at him compassionately,
“I love your everything, including your shortcomings. Just because you happen to know something that you shouldn’t have known, it doesn’t change the fact you are precious to me. I think others could say the same about that.”
“Others…?”
Ssulal nodded in response. The others she meant were,
“Galtia, Kesselring, Carol, and Hunty. Regardless of what you are and what secrets you carry with you, the relationships you have built with other people won’t change. Just like how I think of you as my precious person, everyone has their respective thoughts toward the individual known as Leonhart. That won’t change.”
“…”
Leonhart was inwardly skeptical.
…Why?
Why I, no, why Ssulal,
…Despite understanding that, can she still keep loving me?
Maybe she doesn’t understand enough? Then I should put it into words.
“…Maybe I’m not even a human from this world.”
He wanted to think otherwise. But such possibility— nay, his existence could be interpreted like that.
However,
“…I see. I don’t really understand it, but perhaps you meant you have a previous life or something? Or do you mean you were born from another world and came to this world?”
“…It’s the former. Since the moment I was born, I have had knowledge and memories that I shouldn’t have known about.”
“Fu-hn…”
But even after his confession, Ssulal’s reaction was dull. Leonhart could only see it to accept it as it was.
Just before Leonhart wondered why, Ssulal spoke.
“…You see, maybe I wasn’t even a human at all.”
“…Hah?”
Leonhart’s thoughts froze at Ssulal’s sudden remark.
Ssulal continued her sentence.
“To be exact, I have no memories of my days as a human. Before I knew it, I was already ‘a human maou’ in this world. That’s what I am.”
“I have no idea if it’s true though,” muttered Ssulal.
“That’s why, perhaps I really am not a human at all, or maybe my memories are just gone, and I was born as a normal human born from human parents…However—”
Ssulal then looked down a bit,
“I… felt lonely in the beginning. There was nobody similar to me around. Even though I could understand I was supposed to be a former human, since I had no memories as a human, perhaps it could be considered I was born as a maou from the beginning.”
“That’s…”
Leonhart understood Ssulal’s worry. She lacked her memories as a human.
That could only mean she couldn’t find out her roots. Her first memories were when she was already a maou. Therefore, even with understanding she was supposed to be a former human, she could only feel she was a maou from the beginning,
“I’ve always wanted to be human. I didn’t want to be a maou — but I was already a maou from the moment I was born.”
“…”
Leonhart had memories that weren’t his own, while Ssulal had no prior memory.
Although their situations were exactly opposite, their worries were the same.
…What are we?
However,
“That said, I don’t worry about it that much nowadays… so I wanted to ask…”
Ssulal dismissed his worries and asked him. That was,
“—Do you hate me now you’ve heard this? Do you think others would hate me if they heard this?”
“—!”
Leonhart’s heartbeat jumped up. It was due to realization and denial,
“There’s no way you’d be hated because of that!”
There was no way it would be. It was impossible. Such a meager thing wasn’t enough to cause her to be hated.
And Ssulal also meant the same to him,
“Do you get it now? It’s not that big of a deal — well, I only came to terms with it recently though.”
“…Aah. I know, I understand— to the point it hurts.”
But that was why there was also another thing that came to his mind.
It was something he wanted to do.
“…I wanted to save you. I wanted to live with you forever. That’s why—”
“Ah, if you mean that-”
Ssulal once again blocked Leonhart’s words with her own words.
Looking at her casual attitude, Leonhart had slight expectations. Perhaps she managed to find a solution on her own, he thought.
However, that expectation was immediately betrayed.
“From now on… until the day I die — I want to spend the rest of my life together with all of you.”
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