Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!
When I came to, I couldn’t understand my situation.
An unfamiliar white ceiling.
Why was I lying down?
I carefully lifted up the bed covers after sitting up and noted that I was also sleeping in an unfamiliar bed.
In a panic, I looked at my surroundings. It was a cozy room with only a bed, a chair, and a few shelves. Seeing this, I finally understood that I was in a hospital.
(What…… happened to me?)
My late heat cycle had suddenly started after the opening ceremony.
I had never experienced such intense symptoms before and had collapsed, but someone saved me. That person seemed to be…
(Kijima found out.)
I didn’t feel panicked or confused.
Maybe it was because I knew that this day would eventually come and had prepared myself for it.
Or perhaps it was because the other party was Kijima.
While trying to recall the details of what happened, there was a light knock at the door and a nurse entered.
Seeing me upright in bed, she was a bit surprised but then revealed a smile.
“You’re awake! I’ll call for the doctor immediately.”
Before I could say anything, the nurse left the room. Shortly after, she came back with a doctor in tow. It was my usual family doctor.
According to the doctor, my estrus seemed different from usual, so they hospitalized me for an examination in case something happened.
Apparently, my father had brought me here directly and would be visiting me again later.
A simple examination revealed that my hormones were slightly unbalanced, but it wasn’t severe enough to signal the onset of a serious disease. Therefore, I could soon be discharged and head home.
For now, I was advised to stay overnight.
“It seems that your family will be bringing you a change of clothes. It may be a bit boring here, but please stay for the night.”
“Thank you very much.”
“Regarding your estrus, you have been taking the weakest prescription for it for a while now, but I think you’ll need to change the type you take. We can talk about this in more detail later. Also, did you notice any irregularities caused by your estrus this time?”
“Before my symptoms became more serious and I collapsed, nothing in particular……”
After noting down my answers to some simple questions, the doctor exited the room.
I stayed like that in a daze until my father came to bring in my clothes.
Though I felt embarrassed for making my busy father come down for me, my white button-down and slacks made me have reservations about lying down on the bed, so I was grateful for it.
“Shinya, are you really alright?”
“I’m fine, dad. The medicine is working.”
“Sorry for this, Shinya. I’ve been discussing with your mother, and we decided that you will be taking a leave of absence from school for your heat this time.”
At such clear-cut words, I was briefly dumbfounded.
Up until now, my parents had never said a word about my decision to hide my secondary gender, or how I chose to attend school in the middle of my heats with only some medication.
It seemed that this time, I’d really made my parents worry.
“We contacted the school to tell them it was a cold. We’ll see how everything goes for now, but rest for a week.”
“I got it. Um…… Sorry for making you worry, Dad.”
“Honestly! Your mother and I thought our hearts were going to stop when I got a call from the school that you collapsed. You can continue studying if you want, but you have to properly rest to set our minds at ease this time, okay?”
After leaving a change of clothes along with a heavy paper bag beside my bed, my father said he would come back to visit tomorrow and left.
It was weird how he kept glancing over at me like I was a small animal.
There were many reference books in that heavy paper bag.
He probably grabbed whatever was on top of my desk and brought it here. Even the textbooks from my summer courses were included.
My parents suggested that I learn a trade rather than force myself to enter an ordinary college.
I knew that they were just worried about how an omega’s ability to comprehend things was lower than others.
Even still, I rejected that suggestion and decided to enroll in an ordinary college. Up until now, I had been showing good results.
There was a memory that had always been stuck in my head since I was a child.
I couldn’t tell whether it actually happened in reality or whether it was a scene from a drama.
The setting sun enveloped the room in a dim glow, revealing the profile of a woman with long hair kneeling against the floor. Her head was slowly drooping down, and a single tear spilled from her eye. The scene showed a girl standing in front of that woman, grabbing onto her arms as if clinging onto her.
—I’m so sorry, I couldn’t give birth to you as a beta……—
My memory of this stops right after that. I think it’s probably because my parents had changed the TV channel to something else.
But that one bitter phrase has been engraved in my mind ever since.
My parents had never said any words of guilt or grievance to me. They also never were overbearing, nor did they ignore my existence.
We just pretended to be an ordinary family of betas, one that no one could disrupt.
I absolutely did not want to make my parents say that sort of phrase. I couldn’t even bear to see them make that kind of pained face.
And that is why I try to behave like a beta whenever I can.
Grow up like a beta child without standing out or falling behind. Going to university like a normal beta, leading a steady life, and quietly caring for my parents someday.
I wouldn’t get married or be able to show them their grandchild’s face, but those were things that could happen regardless of my secondary gender.
I should’ve been born as “an ordinary beta child” to my parents, so I try my best to not stray from that.
Whether I liked it or not, my summer course textbooks dragged my mind back to my feelings at that time.
In that one week, I had seen many things up close as “an ordinary beta” that I would never be able to imitate as an omega.
And Amami, an alpha, accepted an omega like me as if it were natural.
I couldn’t disregard my feelings of envy anymore.
So I will put a lid on those feelings instead.
I wouldn’t deny that those feelings were there, but I wouldn’t play with the idea of them either. So that I can one day forget about them, like a child would their toy.
The next day, I left the hospital.
My newly prescribed suppressants properly took effect and didn’t have any of the side effects that were present until now.
It halted my release of hormones, and I even received a certificate telling me that it was more effective than my previous prescription.
Both of my parents came to pick me up after my discharge, so I was quite surprised.
I said that they were both busy so they shouldn’t take off work for something this trivial, but I got lectured by my mom as she teared up, and my dad started to actually get upset, so I was in quite a bind when I returned home.
“Our kid collapsed and was hospitalized, of course we would be worried!”
It’s been so long since I’ve seen my mom cry, furthermore, my dad was gradually getting more angry, so I ended up repeating “I’m sorry” while shrinking into my shoulders.
Thanks to the effects of the medicine, my head was no longer hazy. I spent a few boring days with a “cold”.
I received countless messages from my classmates expressing their worries about my cold. I felt guilty for lying so I often replied with “I’m fine” along with a message sticker to end the conversations.
I did the same thing when Amami messaged me, but there wasn’t a single message from Kijima.
“Now then. It’s the big day.”
After an entire week of absence, I finally went back to school in the end.
Since I was supposedly resting from a cold, I couldn’t go outside so I was even more bored than usual. Other than waking up even earlier to go for my morning jogs, I stayed at home to do some muscle training.
I probably made more progress in my studies at home than if I were at school.
Thanks to the class materials that Amami sent last night, I finished reviewing everything. To get myself fired up in the morning, I added Shichimi to my miso soup and ate it.1
My mom retreated from it, but I hoped she would at least overlook something like this.
“Ah, Karasawa! Is your cold gone now? Did you get the flu?”
“I’m alright, I’m completely healed up now. I didn’t even have the flu.”
“Well, that’s good.”
I entered the classroom and countless classmates called out to me.
To show that I was feeling healthy, I interacted with them with a smile until I arrived at my seat.
(So it didn’t spread?)
I unknowingly let out a tense sigh.
I didn’t think that Kijima would actually go around telling people about his classmate’s secondary gender, but I’m grateful he kept silent about it.
I thought that there was a possibility that someone other than Kijima knew about me going into heat on school grounds, but since it was right after the opening ceremony, there weren’t many people around, so it seemed that there was no fear of that happening.
When I put my bag on the hook of my desk with a calmer heart, I noticed Kijima standing at my side.
Kijima, who was usually annoyingly noisy, crept up to me without a sound and made me flinch in surprise.
“Karasawa, see me during lunch break.”
Confirming my agreement, Kijima left my desk’s side.
While unconsciously following him with my eyes, I met Amami’s eyes.
Amami smiled at me bitterly with a slight frown. He probably noticed Kijima’s odd behavior.
I averted my gaze and put a hand on my chest to keep my heart from jumping out.