Translator: Tsukii
Editor: Kiro
Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!
Chapter 42
Author Note:
This is the last part. Failing at defusing the bomb? Or something like that.
School rooftop. Seeing the standing figure, I single-mindedly ran toward the fence.
“Stop right there, Honami!”
She turned toward me in response to my loud voice.
She was standing beyond the fence. That was dangerous.
“Haruto-kun…”
I reached where she was and pulled her body with all my might.
It was something I did on a reflex. I couldn’t even think anymore as my body moved only on instinct.
“What do you think you’re doing?!”
“Ahaha, sorry… I have no intention of dying, you know.”
Hearing those words made me feel a little relieved.
Not only had I been running all over the place, I had been sprinting just earlier. I had trouble breathing and couldn’t speak well. We embraced each other while I was panting as I slowly got my breathing in order.
She blushed as she stared at me.
After a while, my breathing slowly returned to normal.
“The total amount of grief caused by your death is many times greater than what you’re bearing right now. You have to understand that first. How many people do you think admire you?”
“…Yes.”
“Geez, seriously… Why were you thinking of doing this?”
While we were talking, I started to shed tears.
I understood her feeling of wanting an equal friend, and it was true that Arisu-chan’s response was quite harsh. Honami-san also understood well how abnormal her class was.
Even so, I really wanted her to stop doing this kind of thing. If she continued like this, her final conclusion might be ‘death’. Just imagining that made me sad.
“I sometimes wonder if it might make me feel better if I die. But I don’t even have the courage to act on it. I stood here so I could face my weak self…”
While she said that, she climbed over the fence and came toward me. As I was relieved to see that, she embraced my body tightly. Was it because of her bottomless kindness that she could be strangely calm even in this kind of situation?
“Honami-san, that’s…”
“Please don’t refer to me with ‘-san.’ I want you alone to refer to me directly by my name. Just like earlier.”
“…Honami.”
“Fufu, thank you. I was the happiest I could be when Haruto-kun found me.”
She finally showed her smile. As I thought, she looked best with a bright expression.
“Well, you left with that expression on your face, of course I would be worried.”
“…Will you scorn me if I say I actually expected you to find me like this?”
“There’s no way I would. It’s not unnatural to seek others’ attention when you’re having a hard time.”
Perhaps the reason for her revealing her shoplifting episode wasn’t her seeking sympathy or comfort. She wanted to let us know that she was the kind of person who would shut herself away just because of that.
“Haruto-kun, you really are a kind person!”
I had been wondering since before whether I was really kind.
Self-evaluation was a difficult thing to do, and most of the time, one would only think “Is that so?” when others told them their evaluation. Since everyone including Arisu-chan and Kikyou-chan also said that, perhaps it was really the case?
…That was the extent of my recognition of that evaluation, and somehow, I couldn’t link that to myself.
Since it would be tiring to stay standing and talking all the time, she sat down on the stairs. Then she patted the ground next to her and asked me to sit there. I obediently sat down because my legs had already turned into jelly.
The door of the rooftop was open, allowing a cool breeze to pass through. The temperature was also dropping, so it felt chilly rather than hot. Also, it made me worried whether I smelled like sweat since we sat so close to each other.
I didn’t know why but she put her hand on top of mine.
“Fufu, Haruto-kun?”
“What is it?”
“U~hn, nothing. I just wanted to call your name.”
She looked really girly right now.
“…I’m glad that Honami is safe. That’s plenty for today.”
“Thanks. I’m sure Haruto-kun is the only person who would say that to me.”
Did that mean she couldn’t consider students of Class A as true friends? If those words were her true thoughts she kept hidden… that was quite a shocking fact for me.
When I turned around, the stars were twinkling in the sky.
We didn’t say anything for a while, just the two of us looking up at the night sky.
After a while, Honami spoke up again.
“Say, Haruto-kun. What do you think of our class?”
She asked that casually, but it was a rather difficult question.
I had a hard time saying it became something like a cult, but I had no idea how else to express it.
Seeing how troubled I was, she smiled.
“Ahaha, sorry sorry. I guess you have a hard time answering that. I think it’s obvious for you to find it disgusting, but considering how kind you are, maybe you couldn’t say it.”
It seemed she had guessed what I was trying to answer. But that wasn’t all.
I decided to confront her about the question I had about Class A for a long time.
“Honami, why are you matching yourself with the rest of the class?”
“…Eh?”
She tilted her head as if she couldn’t understand the meaning at all. After seeing she gave me the response I had expected, I continued.
“I don’t understand why you act so reserved about it. You can just behave as you like.”
“But that’s the thing that everyone in the class has decided.”
“The thing that everyone in the class has decided? You are the ruler, why should you follow their decision?”
I hit the indecisive Honami with strong words.
The girl named Ichinose Honami was an existence that could be considered an absolute god of Class A. Her will would be prioritized above all by them, so there shouldn’t be anything to bind her.
In the unlikely case that someone disagreed, she could just label them as a heretic and crush them. Shiranami would gladly help her with that. That would also serve to strengthen Honami’s influence.
It wasn’t like I totally approved of Ryuuen’s method, but I think Honami was way too reserved.
…That was why she was forced into a corner like this. I could only see that as her strangling herself.
“Does that mean I can do as I like?”
“There’s no doubt about it. For example… Even if you use the points you collected from everyone in the class to play around, I’m sure nobody will criticize you. I’m 100% confident about this.”
It was a pretty extreme example, but I needed to be that radical.
Even now, Honami’s awareness that she was a ‘god’ was lacking. It was the right of a god to behave arrogantly, and considering the burden they placed on her, I think that could be considered a fair price.
“B-but there’s no way I could do that…”
Ah geez, she was just!
It could be considered cute, but she was too good of a person that it made me irritated instead.
“Then I’ll do this to you.”
“Hyah!”
I grabbed her head and forced her to face me.
We stared at each other in close proximity then I whispered to that beautiful face.
“I command you. From tomorrow until the sports festival, spend more than 500,000 points. However, it is not permitted to transfer that amount to others or be used as a contract between classes. It has to be used for Honami’s personal spending.”
“O-okay. Then what will you do if I don’t obey?”
“Let’s see… I’ll spread what you did in your middle school to the whole school.”
That was a lie. I had no such intention at all. However, it was a necessary lie for her.
She also understood that as she started to smile while keeping her face close to mine.
“Fufu… if you do that, I guess my school life is over.”
“I don’t think it will end up like that, but I’m sure things will become pretty messy.”
“A~ah, I guess I’m being threatened.”
After saying that deliberately, Honami lowered her head.
“…You won’t do it if I don’t go this far, right?”
“Really, you know me so well…”
‘I had no choice but to do it since I was threatened.’ She needed such an escape route as a person that is easily swept away.
This was also what I felt when I saw her reaction to Arisu-chan’s question “Could you abandon your class for Haruto-kun’s sake?”
In the end, she was just too kind. She would have it easier if she was a little more selfish.
This was the result of my thoughts on how I should take her in that direction while we were talking.
I was praising myself that it went well, but that became an opening.
I felt a soft touch on my lips.
“I’ve done it…”
Please stop looking apologetic when it was you who did it.
“Oi oi, I’ll pretend that one didn’t happen, so keep quiet about it from Arisu-chan, okay?”
“S-sorry.”
I didn’t come here to cheat. As expected, this… was not good.
Looking at her sullen expression, I was attacked by a tremendous sense of guilt. Perhaps this was her first time?
“Why did you do that?”
“Because your face was right there…”
Don’t talk in a similar fashion because there’s a mountain there.
“Ah, we just touched a little bit, so it doesn’t count. It just happened to touch by accident!”
“…Ahaha, what’s with that, it’s funny.”
“You should do it first to the person you really like, okay?”
It sounded like a lame excuse, but let’s leave it at that.
I thought things would be resolved with that, but Honami had a very sad expression on her face.
“I really like Haruto-kun though.”
“…Eh.”
“I told you, I’ve come to love you. But it won’t bear fruit, right?”
She asked as her body trembled.
I knew she would cry if I shook my head. However, answering this question with a lie wasn’t ‘kindness.’ Even an ordinary person like me knew that much.
“…Yes.”
“Ah, there goes my first love. Don’t you think it’s terrible that it was crushed before it even began?”
“Sorry, but…”
Before I finished my answer, she began to cry. It pained my heart to see her cling to me as she cried.
It was completely unexpected that it ended up like this. I just focused too much on alleviating her burden as a leader and failed to consider her feelings for me. I was embarrassed for acting as if I knew everything, and I had no idea what to do next.
If Arisu-chan were next to me, I would definitely ask for her help at this moment. However, I was alone right now. Since it was a result of my arbitrary action, I had to be responsible for it.
“What should I do? I don’t want to give up on it. Why should I give up on a person who understands my weakness and is willing to support me despite that? Why? Am I not good enough?”
It wasn’t that she was bad. Honami had a near-perfect appearance as a woman. I was sure she would meet better men than me over the course of her long life from now on.
However, such a future didn’t enter her field of vision. Since she could only see the narrow space known as school, she ended up considering me who understood her as her everything.
That was why she couldn’t give up easily. She couldn’t just cut it off and move on.
It made me hate this school since it didn’t allow people to go outside the premises, which made people hardly interact with the outside world.
Time passed quietly without me knowing what the correct answer was.
When I looked at Honami’s expression, she had the same despaired expression as when she left our room.
This was no good. If I left her alone… she might actually hang herself. I guess I should abandon the thought of convincing her to give up on me.
“…It’s not like you have to leave me right away. In the first place, if you leave me like this, I can’t even give you any commands, right?”
“Ah…”
“As long as I need you, I have no intention of keeping my distance.”
As a last resort, I decided to take on a villainous role. I made use of her shoplifting past as a weakness to establish a temporary master and slave relationship. That shouldn’t be bad as a temporary measure until we graduate.
It was definitely not the best course of action, but that was the only thing that came to my mind at the moment.
“I-in that case, can I stay with you while I listen to your orders?”
“I don’t care how you interpret it. However, my lover is Arisu-chan.”
I just noticed after I said it, but if it became known that I rejected Honami, I would be the one who couldn’t stay in this school. Honami herself might not realize it, but it was she who held onto my weakness now. She wasn’t a person who could definitely keep a secret, and there was a possibility that rumor might spread by accident.
…Even though I didn’t mind dropping out of the school to begin with, having to leave the school due to such a reason was way too lame. For the purpose of preventing that, it was better to continue this relationship. While I was in this school, it would be better if others didn’t know that I had rejected her.
“Thank you, I’ll do my best!”
“Don’t think too deeply about it. It might be weird to hear this from the person who is exploiting you, but I’m fine as long as Honami’s mental state is preserved. If anything, I’m fine with us acting like we were before, you know?”
I wasn’t sure if this was good enough as a follow-up.
Despite boasting about helping her, the conclusion was too ambiguous… I guess I was just a pathetic man.
“No, acting like we were before is not good enough. I should do more for your sake…”
I was sure Kiyotaka, who was surely observing from somewhere, was dumbfounded seeing how pathetic I behaved.1
I sent a message to Arisu-chan saying “the result feels vague” and informing her that the matter was resolved.
“Well, just do what you like.”
I stood up and brushed the dirt off my pants. It was already late, so I should go home.
Haah… I guess it is a failure. As I thought, a small fry like me couldn’t do it like Arisu-chan.2
“I will never forget the kiss from earlier. From now on, please take care of me… forever, my master.”
Just before we parted, Honami said that with a spoiled attitude and upturned eyes. It felt so destructive that I was dizzy for a moment.
…I felt that beautiful smile held a completely different meaning from what she had so far.
Perhaps I had committed a bigger mistake than I thought I did.
Author Note:
He considers it a failure. But what about from the third party’s perspective?
I already planned for this development from quite early in the story, so I already have detailed notes regarding it.
That is the reason why I could post the chapter so early. The next one would be posted around Wednesday.
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