Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!
Chapter 69 (Part 2)
TW: Mentions of infanticide & neonaticide
“What did a newborn even do? Nothing. But the parents who gave birth to them would come to me, asking for me to end their lives. Do you not think it is they who are the more wicked ones? …Murdering and disposing of the stillborn babies just as they requested — am I not the most wicked one?”
She killed several newborns who had the dark attribute.
I get it now. She wanted to be alone with me so she could tell me that. If she just wanted to talk about being under our care, it wouldn’t matter if Luca were here.
“Unlike in the case of a patient who inevitably died despite all my efforts, I murdered those babies with a clear mind. Whatever the reason, I am guilty. I have no justification for taking their lives, and I intended to bear this sin for the rest of my life without telling anyone about it.”
If she had kept those children with dark attributes alive, there would have been various disadvantages.
Their families might have broken apart just like Nina’s, and even if they had been loved by their parents, they would definitely have been persecuted by those around them. In the end, they would have murdered people with other attributes without hesitation like the Dark Organisation. They could potentially take the lives of thousands, just as my original self did.
Considering the disadvantages it could have caused, killing the newborn babies would result in the least number of casualties.
Besides, Camilla was merely requested to do it. She could have flat-out refused by saying it had nothing to do with her.
Was the reason she accepted the request because she took into account the fact that refusing would just further drive her patient’s mind into a corner? Or was it an attempt to prevent a future where the parents are unable to kill their children out of love and therefore cause even further casualties?
Whatever the case, considering the discrimination against those with the dark attribute, Camilla’s choice was the right one. Camilla herself, however, never hoped to elicit sympathy and lessen her guilt by telling anyone about it.
“…Then why did you decide to tell me at this moment? It must have been a secret that you kept to yourself for years.”
She turned her gaze towards me when I asked.
She is strong. No matter how much guilt she carries, I can feel the tremendous willpower in her eyes.
“You were all happily talking about it at dinner the day before yesterday, were you not? That a mother who gave birth to a baby with the dark attribute thanked you? It has been a month since you asked us to work alongside you to get rid of discrimination. As a friend, I was genuinely proud of you who had achieved results in just that short period of time. …But it felt too insincere of me to give you words of praise while I was still deceiving you.”
“You? Deceiving me?”
I have no recollection of that at all. When I tilted my head, she let out a snicker.
“Earlier I asked what you would do if I said I did this for atonement, right? In exchange for murdering infants who were born with the dark attribute, I was selfishly atoning for my sins by helping you, Zagan, who has the dark attribute. In other words, my friendship with you has redemption calculated deeply into it.”
I see. In retrospect, Camilla had never directed any negative feelings toward me. Even when we first met in the 4th dungeon, she participated in the battle because she wanted to know what kind of abilities someone like me, with a vast amount of magical power, had.
Camilla was friendly to me from the beginning, even with my dark attribute. However, like Cindy, who acted similarly, I thoughtlessly assumed she had a fearless personality. In actuality, it was because she had her own reasons.
“…Murdering and disposing of the stillborn babies just as they requested – am I not the most wicked one?”
The public perception is that people with dark attributes are evil. But Camilla realised from her own experience that it was the fault of the people around her who started discriminating in the first place.
That was why she hadn’t held any prejudice against me and even willingly agreed to create the MP potions to help the Dark Organisation members. The reason she didn’t charge any fees was also a form of atonement.
“Despite being a medic, I was only able to take their lives away from them, while you managed to save them in only one month. I would like to wholeheartedly praise your amazing achievement. But if I had continued deceiving you, then no amount of compliments I gave would have moved you. Thus, I revealed the truth to you.”
No, I am moved though? Even if her actions were calculated to some point, the friendship I felt with her had always been genuine.
At the beginning of June, we exchanged words naturally right after we were introduced to each other. In August, we worked in the same space and she even invited me for a break where we ate jelly together. I remember feeling happy about her consideration of me.
The words she spoke right after I woke up from my critical condition after the dragon battle really reverberated in my heart. “Don’t let yourself become like this again.”1 Her gaze at that time was exactly like the one she has now — firm.
Even that time when I said I wanted to get rid of the discrimination against dark attribute users and was explaining the method a month ago — the person who agreed to it first and foremost was Camilla.
“Of course we don’t mind. We’ll be by your side, Zagan, no matter where you go.”2
How could I doubt her friendship when she said such dependable words aloud without hesitation?
“I don’t care about the calculations. Rather, make use of it as much as you can if that will help lighten your feelings even the slightest. Especially if that will help the ‘medical practitioner’ Camilla, who always tries to save all lives, regardless of their attributes.”
I quietly stared at Camilla and she smiled softly. The smile of an adult despite her childish appearance.
“You are indeed a wonderful man, Zagan. Not only do you have a strong spirit, but you always move forward in the face of adversity. That strength of yours attracts not only Luca and Noel, but also everyone else around you. I am a criminal… Even so, I wish to accompany you to the very end.”
“Of course. It is very reassuring to have your support.”
“Fantastic. I look forward to continuing to work with you, my friend.”
I gave a firm nod to my friend whose words touched my heart to no end.
Once we finished our talk and went inside, Luca immediately picked me up and took me straight to the bath. I was genuinely getting cold from staying outside, so I obediently let him take me away.
My body started to warm up as I soaked in the bath and leaned against Luca, who hugged me from behind. He laughed a little when I let out a sigh of relief. I nodded when he asked, “It feels good, doesn’t it?” but even so…
“You’re not going to ask about what Camilla and I talked about today? Even Miranda was worriedly asking when I talked to her.”
“It’s because the person you were dealing with was Camilla. What Camilla has towards Zagan is pure friendship, not to mention I was able to see the two of you from inside.”
‘Pure friendship’, is it? If Luca, who is of the light attribute, says so, then there can be no doubt. In the end, Camilla’s talk of atonement and calculations was nothing more than a trigger for friendship.
“Then, as for Miranda, you were worried that something might be up since she hated me for quite a while from our first meeting, right?”
“Huh? Ah, yeah… Now that you mention it…”
Luca’s being evasive… Did I guess wrong?
When I tilted my head back to look at Luca, I was slowly kissed. My insides throbbed when he loosely grabbed my member while the other hand slid across my lower abdomen. Just like that, we slowly connected our bodies together.
The next morning, Orobas came to the mansion so he could see us off at the dungeon hall.
“Here, in the 12th dungeon, even the monsters you come across along the way are S-rank or higher. In the last thousand years, many challengers have died to them. The reason why I initially lived here was for the sake of conquering the dungeon.” (Orobas)
I see. It’s true that when there are only S-rank monsters during the journey, the burden would be too much for most humans. So that was why Orobas had been gathering the star fragments here.
“However, with both Zagan-dono and His Highness Luca, not to mention everyone else present who are equally strong — I am certain that it will be fine.”
“I agree. I feel relieved since nii-sama is with us this time. Let’s do our best, nii-sama!” (Noel)
“Yeah. Let’s do our best.” (Zagan)
When I stroked the head of Noel, who had been cheery since morning, she flashed me a cute smile.
I could also sense from our connected hands that Luca was on cloud nine. When I glanced at him, he immediately rubbed his cheek against my head.
“Fufu~ I’m so happy I get to conquer this dungeon together with Zagan. Up until now, we’ve always been apart from each other for more than two weeks so I’m really happy that we can be together.”
He then proceeded to kiss me on the forehead, my cheeks, and then my lips. Then, right before his friends could warn him, his expression hardened.
“Now then. Shall we go, everyone? Thank you for seeing us off, Orobas.”
“I wish you a safe trip. I look forward to everyone’s safe return.” (Orobas)
“Appreciate it. We’ll be off now.” (Zagan)
“We’ll be going now, Orobas!” (Noel)
After we each spoke a few words to Orobas who had his head bowed, we finally took a step forward. It was time for the final dungeon capture to begin.