Translator: Tsukii

Editor: Aia

Read at Watashi wa Sugoi Desu!

Chapter 11

Arisu-chan POV

I was in my room, lying on the bed.

I didn’t even feel like reading the book I brought along to relieve my boredom.

I was despondent without Haruto-kun. I realized that again.

The deserted island exam.　

When our homeroom teacher told us about it, I considered participating.

If I didn’t, it meant that I would be separated from Haruto-kun for a week. If that happened, I was afraid I would go crazy.

But there was no other option. By the doctor’s orders, I wasn’t allowed to participate.　

Not only that, I was even told to not board the cruise ship.

They explained it by saying that the deserted island exam wasn’t the only exam they conducted on the ship.　

So, because I wasn’t allowed to participate, I couldn’t be permitted entry. But if I didn’t join the cruise, I would be separated from Haruto-kun for more than a week.

Did they want me to die?

In the end, I was allowed to join the cruise as long as the contracted doctor was also on board.　

Thus, I had to spend the next seven days in torturous conditions.　

Today was the first day.

By now, Haruto-kun should have been thrown out under the hot sun and was being given the pre-exam briefing.

I could easily imagine Haruto-kun being worried about me.

The me right now was weaker than anyone.　

But even as despair ravaged my mind, I didn’t feel like moving.

Solitude.　

To distract myself from such feelings, I thought about the past.　

---

I got to know Haruto-kun way back when we were kids.

His father was a so-called “career bureaucrat”. He was the section chief of the department related to school permits and licenses, so my father thought he was being clever by setting up me and Haruto-kun to get to know each other.　

My father took me to his house. There, the relationship between our families deepened.

Just as my father intended, we ended up going to the same kindergarten and to the same schools.

As a result of the adult’s scheming, we became childhood friends.

At first, I wasn’t that interested in Haruto-kun. At best, he just happened to be more mature compared to other children in my eyes.　

He was more competent than average, but he didn’t really stand out.

Right from the first meeting, it felt like Haruto-kun had some sort of obsession with me, but even after observing him for a long time, he still did not do anything of note.

At times, Haruto-kun was an excellent observer. But it wasn’t really of genius-level of competence.　

He was just an ordinary, but capable person. That was my assessment of him as a child.

However, he remained too devoted, to an excessive degree, to me.　

I still had no idea what made him like that even now; but anyway, he treated me, and only me, very well. It seemed like he wanted, and tried, to be someone convenient for me, as much as he was able.

Since I walked slower than most other people, he took my hand and removed any obstacles around me in advance.

I was sure he was the only person who was willing to be that devoted to me.

Even so, he was still an ordinary person.　

Back then, I underestimated his existence and didn’t have any sense of discomfort about his efforts. It might sound arrogant, but it almost seemed natural to me. I regretted it now, but back then, it was an undeniable fact.

I think he also realized that I looked down on him.　

If it were anyone else, it was the natural course of action to abandon someone like me. Even though Haruto-kun was devoted, I wasn’t really appreciative, and worse, I was condescending about it all. I knew all of this, and I thought I wouldn’t mind if he asked to cut ties with me.

After all, he was just another face in the crowd.

To me, he was nothing but a competent pawn. Aaah, who did I think I was back then?

I didn’t even hold his weakness hostage, but he still stayed.

…It kind of sounds like I am confessing my sins. But the fact that I was proud of my talent remains.　

Unaware of the ‘poison’ that corroded me, time passed. I grew older.

I ought to have noticed it sooner.　

The fact that Haruto-kun’s actions weren’t something to be taken for granted.

Also, the fact that excessive care towards a child would hinder their growth.　

Little did I know, I was turning into a baby that couldn’t let go of its milk bottle.　

As a result, I ended up paying a huge price.

It was January of this year, before we graduated middle school.　

At that point, I tried to cut my ties with him.

I told Haruto-kun that he didn’t have to get involved with me anymore and kept my distance.

I was planning to enroll in Advanced Nurturing High School. That school was run by my father and was firm in its practice of meritocracy. In that place, results were everything, and there was no way that Haruto-kun, an ordinary person, would have survived. Even if he came along, he could only drag me down, and I wouldn’t be able to spread my wings.

I told myself that breaking ties with him was also for his sake.

How arrogant I was. Now that I looked back, how shallow was that?

Tragedy ensued.　

I was made painfully aware of how miserable I was.

Although Haruto-kun might not think so, it could’ve been considered his revenge.

I showed the most disgraceful behavior that I considered the stain of my life.

First of all, I couldn’t walk alone.　

Since Haruto-kun always ensured my safety, I was severely lacking in awareness of the dangers around me. Not only was I weak due to my congenital heart disease, but I was also deprived of the abilities I should have been able to acquire if I grew up normally.

I stumbled over a small staircase near my house. Failing to notice the pebble on the side of the road, my cane got caught and slipped, so I lost my balance and fell. Because I had weak reflexes, I wasn’t able to catch myself in time or even fall properly. I ended up getting a bruise on my right arm.　

During P.E. class, I couldn’t avoid the ball that accidentally flew towards me when I was watching from the side.

I couldn’t walk down the stairs properly and fell.

The bar was already so low, and I still failed to meet it. I could only say it was embarrassing.　

Babies who just started to walk and toddlers who were just learning to run fell far less often than I did.

I was already on the cusp of growing up but I hadn’t progressed from that basic level of mobility.

For the first time in my life, I really thought I wanted to die.

Finally, perhaps because of the unprecedented fatigue and the accumulated stress from the need to be constantly aware of my surroundings, my heart disease flared up for the first time in years and I collapsed.　

The one who called the ambulance at that time was none other than Haruto-kun.

When I woke up in the hospital, I cried.　

And when I was that miserable, he embraced me without saying anything.

Due to this incident, I lost my greatest weapon: my confidence.　

A strong inferiority complex and my dependence on him.

What happened that day was more than enough to make me realize those two things.

---

I fell asleep before I knew it.

When I glanced at the clock, it was already 8 PM.

I didn’t feel like eating.　

Even taking a bath seemed troublesome.

I realized something today.　

Even without my illness, I still wouldn’t be able to leave Haruto-kun.

I didn’t have the confidence to last another six days like this.

Since it was Haruto-kun, there was no doubt that he would have tried to drop out early out of concern for me.　

This wasn’t out of arrogance, but something I was sure about.

However, it was likely to be rejected by those people.

I should have crushed them sooner.　

Why couldn’t I have done it better?

Even though I knew cursing them meant nothing, I was still angry about it.

Hurry back to me…　

A tear ran down my cheek.　

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Author Note:

I actually wrote this before Chapter 1.

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